BDSM. If you’ve ever googled these four letters, you probably know how much has been written about this phenomenon. But far from everything that is said about BDSM on the Internet, some books and films is the truth. The aggressive and dangerous image that has developed around BDSM prevents many people from discovering something new in matters of sex. We decided to deal with this culture better in order to debunk the myth that BDSM is a dangerous and unnatural perversion for humans.
What is BDSM
The meaning of the acronym BDSM is known to many, but if you suddenly are not one of them and rely only on the associations associated with these four letters, and what they write about them on the Internet, we will repeat ourselves. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Do not squint cautiously – everything is far from as scary as it seems.
BDSM is characterized by a certain behavior of partners with each other, including all of the above words, depending on sexual desires and fantasies and, of course, experience and practice. In addition to the psychological mood and specific elements of the game, sex accessories such as handcuffs, whips, chains, scarves, bondage (and many other interesting toys) are used. Blindfolds and gags can also be found, which enhance the effect and arousal of the partner. If the limbs of the partner are tied or tied to something – this is bondage, and there is a place for creative people to roam around, because in the real culture of BDSM bondage very much attention is paid: special techniques (Shebi and others), the material of the rope and what a pleasure can receive each of the partners at the time of binding.
How it works
Discipline is very important in BDSM, as the “top” or dominant partner exercises his power through a series of directives for the “bottom,” submissive partner. Depending on how the orders were carried out, the top one encourages or punishes his subordinate, which in most cases is the same thing. Directions or punishments can be simple: the partner orders his bottom to wait for him at home completely naked until the first returns from work; or harder – withstand 10 minutes of slaps with palms or a whip.
So in BDSM dominance and submission are manifested – perhaps the most sensual and emotionally strong sides of the entire culture, since here the partners exchange power, voluntarily recognize the supremacy of the other, enjoying their psychological and sexual roles. At the stage of dominance and submission, intercourse itself does not matter, since physical contact between partners can be minimal. It all comes down to exercising power, gaining control over your partner’s body and, of course, taking responsibility for his safety and pleasure. The submissive partner completely trusts his superior, which increases sexual arousal as soon as you are imbued with these ideas.
As for sadism and masochism, these are physical manifestations of power and submission. To those unfamiliar with the pleasure that can be found in BDSM culture, the concepts of BDSM can seem creepy and never understood. In sadomasochism, the main aspects are infliction of pain and humiliation, and the name itself comes from the names of two very familiar to everyone with their works, the writers Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Scheher-Masoch. They were the ones who wrote about the perverse pleasure that pain brings. So instead of “50 shades of gray” it is better to get acquainted with their works, if you are really interested in what ordinary people find in sadomasochism.
Sadomasochism can be characterized by just rough sex, as well as harsher things like strangulation, rough slaps with both hands and a whip, and even the use of needles.
Security questions
Despite the fact that many of the things listed above may seem creepy and unacceptable to people far from sexual diversity, BDSM culture is very intelligent and literate. The first and most important words that you should know about how everything works in BDSM is “safe, consciously and willingly.” A kind of motto that all BDSM enthusiasts know by heart. In addition to many different non-standard pleasures, in the very process of BDSM play, a balance is always observed, and all tools are checked in advance, not to mention the fact that partners discuss the upcoming scenario of the game, paying attention to who will play which role, how long and how often they will be engaged in this, and, of course, with what intensity certain actions should be performed. One partner, for example, may want to be choked, but not as badly.
This is why there are stop words in BDSM, which you probably heard about, since they come with the very abbreviation BDSM. Partners choose simple words that are easy to remember and use during the game, and which evoke direct associations. “Green” is a word that means that everything is going as it should, which means that we must continue. “Yellow” means to be more careful or to check what caused confusion or anxiety in the partner. “Red” means to stop.
Another important part of BDSM is the follow-up care of your partner. It includes returning to reality and discussing everything that happened to you. This is necessary so that partners feel better about their roles and understand what they like and what is not for them. Also, caring for a partner includes very standard affection for couples, such as hugs, physical and verbal expressions of love.
False beliefs
In matters of sex, there are many misunderstandings and misconceptions, take at least the G-spot and the fact that no one can find it in any way. Lack of knowledge about how sex works at the physiological level and much more, makes one think that BDSM is directly related to pain. But as BDSM instructor Keith McCombs says, not all people interested in BDSM have specially equipped rooms for this, a lot of toys and the intention to hurt someone.
Many participants do not hurt or hurt at all. The biggest misconception is that BDSM is hardcore sex with slaves, masters and dungeons for games. Yes, of course, there are people for whom such things seem attractive, but they also have a lot of experience. For the rest, BDSM is a game of temperaments, focusing on sensations and psychological state.
In other words, BDSM culture is much more developed than the overwhelming majority of people who are guided only by the associations that cause words, and were not even interested in how it happens in elementary porn films, imagine. Today there are masters and instructors who are ready to initiate those who wish to the art of domination and submission so that partners diversify their sex life, discover something new, while remaining in physical and psychological safety.
